10 weeks

A pregnancy test.  When you think about it, it is just a really expensive piece of soggy paper... simply a urine-soaked combination of antibodies, indicator, and glycoproteins.  But, those two little lines.  When you see them appear before your eyes, you realize that thin strip means so much more than that.

It is the first moment in your life that you go from thinking of yourself, not just as one person, but two.  You realize that your life will change in many ways in the coming months.  A small piece of reality sets in… in just 2 minutes, you realize you are going to be a mom.

The morning that I saw that positive result, I remember just sitting in the bathroom and staring at those two lines.  Starting a week before, I had had an inkling that I might be pregnant.  I had been feeling more tired than usual and terribly bloated.  I had even seen a (maybe) slightly positive result 2 days before that test (which Tony and I still go back and forth on)  

But, nothing really had prepared me for that moment.  I couldn’t stop those happy tears from coming as I saw those double lines appear.  I tiptoed into the bedroom, pregnancy test in hand,  and whispered to my sleeping husband, “You are going to be a Daddy.”  I have never seen him jump out of bed so quickly, as he also confirmed, "Yup, looks like a positive to me!"

Baby Bump

Over the last several weeks, it has felt like living in another person’s body.  I have been roughly the same size since high school, so it has been strange watching even the subtle aspects of my body change.  My flat belly now is starting to round out just a bit.  Not too many people really notice that I am pregnant yet.  I am sure it will be an even bigger change in the next 10 weeks!

“Morning Sickness”

The “morning sickness” was not something I had fully anticipated, as it has been more of an all-day affair since the beginning.  The nausea is unlike anything I had before pregnancy… not the kind where you vomit and feel better!  It has been a constant, queezy, sick-to-my stomach feeling that persists from sunrise to sunset!  Thankfully, I only had one episode of vomiting during these first few weeks.  Now the symptoms are starting to scale off a bit!  

Food

Ladies always talk about the cravings.  But, I have noticed more of the food aversions!  Foods I used to enjoy, including steaks, salads, grilled chicken breasts, calzones, and creamy sauces, now make my stomach turn!  A few of my “cravings,” or rather foods that don’t seem to make me want to hurl, include salt and vinegar chips, ice cream, and Lunchables Pizzas (yes, all healthy options, I know).

Change

The best way to really sum up the first 10 weeks is… change.  Those first few weeks, you start to feel the transformation from a woman into a mom.  You sacrifice foods, your body, and comfort for the little life growing inside of you.  And, you remember those first moments… the positive result on the pregnancy test, the first time you see the baby on ultrasound, and that first time you really notice that little baby bump. 

An Unforgettable Day

I will never forget where I was on September 11th, 2001.  I remember I was sitting in Mr. Ragonese’s Global History class, learning about notable events in ancient China.  Class was abruptly interrupted when Mr. Hoffman, another history teacher, called Mr. Ragonese into the hallway.  When my teacher returned, all of the blood had drained from his face.  “A plane has hit one of the Twin Towers in NYC.”  The class went completely silent.  The rest of the morning, the school's TVs played and replayed the events of one, and then two, planes hitting the World Trade Center… and a third hitting the Pentagon.

In a different way, I will never forget where I was 11 years later… September 11th, 2012. 

That day, I had started my 8th week of pregnancy.   Over the past couple of days, my seemingly endless battle with morning sickness had backed off a bit.  It felt like a good day.  But, as I went to the bathroom at lunchtime, I noticed something I feared seeing... blood.  Just a little bit, but undeniably there... and bright red.  I rushed to the OB clinic in a haze, with terrible thoughts seeping into my mind… blighted ovum... miscarriage… ectopic pregnancy.  A same-day appointment was set for just a couple hours later at 3pm.  The bleeding seemed to have stopped by this time, but I couldn't help but think the worst as I nervously awaited my appointment.  I tried to stay focused on the highlights of 911 memorial events, playing over and over again on the waiting room TV.  Pregnant women were all around me, appearing blissfully happy as they waited for their routine check-ups.

I was finally called back for my appointment.  After a short conversation with the resident, I was told an ultrasound would be done in the office.  I waited in my paper gown for the ultrasound machine to be rolled over from another room, my heart pounding through my chest.  I had seen so many of these done before when I rotated through OB/GYN in medical school, and remember many other nervous women, like myself, sitting on the table.  

The screen was turned away from me as everything was set up.  I kept worrying, “This is it.  Right now, it all could be over."  The resident and attending began discussing the image on the screen.  “Single fetal pole intact” … “measuring 7 weeks 6 days” … “and there’s the heartbeat.”  At that moment, they turned the screen towards me.  I have never seen anything more beautiful.  For the first time, I saw the little life growing inside of me… 4 little limbs, a nice big head, and that strong fluttering heart beating 167 bpm in that tiny chest.  I couldn’t stop the tears at that amazing sight.  My fears were replaced by overwhelming happiness.  The doctors said that everything looked ok.  We both were ok.

Tony had been waiting nervously for the news.  Due to the short notice, he couldn’t join me for the appointment, but hurried downstairs to meet me briefly afterwards.  Picture in hand, I gave him the great news.  He couldn’t help but also tear up, seeing the first photo of our little bean.

Sitting in that high school class room, I thought that September 11th would always be a day of infamy.  Eleven years later, I can see that a day of darkness can be followed by one with so much much light.  Regardless of what the future holds, I know this moment will stay with me as the years pass.  September 11th certainly is, and always will be, an unforgettable day.