Becoming Parents

Before we brought Butters home, I tried to prepare for every possibility... from basic things like his dog crate, toys, food, flea treatments, vet care... and then to the more obscure... like doggie wipes.  I have always been a planner... and it is honestly because the unknown can scare me.  At times, it has felt like if I can predict all of the unknowns, then I can be ready for them when they come.  I had a few freak-out moments in the months leading up to bringing him home.  I kept thinking... What if I am not ready?  What if I get overwhelmed?  What if this is a terrible decision?  And, then he arrived...

...and I could no longer imagine how life had felt complete without him

It has been surprising, throughout this pregnancy, how at peace I have been with the process of becoming a mom.  I realize that I learned a great deal from our little dog.  In the end, I realize you can never be fully prepared for everything that lies ahead.  You should try to prepare for the big things.  But, the little surprises (welcomed or not) are part of what makes life interesting.

A large part of this feeling comes from the trust and strength that I find in my husband.  Seeing him with our little dog, the way he cares for him and looks after him, I know he is going to be a great dad. That knowledge, I have discovered, is the real source of my confidence in myself...  it makes the unknown ok.  I find comfort in that we make a great team, and we are ready for the unexpected.

Christmas in July?

As a kid, it seemed that Thanksgiving was the magical day that really began the Holiday Season.  Santa would make his way down 34th Street in the Macy's Day Parade, and with a "Ho, Ho, Ho," he gave the go-ahead to all of the families (and retailers) to turn on the colored lights and Deck the Halls!

Over the last few years, it is obvious that marketers have been trying to get more out of the the seasonal cheer (and spending) by pushing up the start of holiday decorations, advertisements, and Christmas music.  It seems that November 1st now is the date that marks the new socially-acceptable time for starting preparations.

This has been the case for a few years now, but I was not prepared for the holiday preparations that greeted me at the start of this month.  Maybe it is this perpetually earlier start to the holiday season.  Or, maybe it was the scene that greeted me at my local H.E.B. supermarket.

Based on the little that I knew about Christmas decorating in warm locations, I pictured the outcome to be something out of Bing Crosby's rendition of Mele Kalikimaka (The Hawaiian Christmas song)... the sunny atmosphere serving as natural decoration, with a few accents to play off of a warmer Christmas theme.   I envisioned tastefully decorated palm trees and garland with lights jazzing up outdoor restaurant umbrellas.  It caught me off guard when I saw this...

...Giant, fake, plastic Christmas trees towering over the shopping center.

Walking around in my flip-flops, tank top, and shorts, it all felt a bit wrong.  It seems that decorations appropriate for colder environments were simply transplanted into this warm environment.  And, it felt about as fitting as wearing a parka to a beach party!  I couldn't help but just stand there with a confused stare.

I guess I am still getting used to Texas.  It still hasn't fully sunk in that that winter will not come with 2-feet of snow and a negative wind-chill.  And, that Christmas will come with the similar glitz as in New York without the environmental accuracy.  It might take awhile, but I will have to embrace hanging my stockings by the air conditioning with care instead of fireplace.  However, in the end, I think I will enjoy spending a mild holiday season on a sunny patio... even if means having to sit next to an inappropriately placed giant styrofoam snowman.

Tony's Special Weekend

This past weekend, Tony was away in Houston presenting a poster for the Texas chapter of the American College of Physicians.  Only 30 residents in the state were selected for this privilege.  I am so proud of my husband for earning this honor and all of his hard work that went into the preparations.

Unfortunately, I couldn't join him on the trip to Houston.  Since I am still on Internal Medicine wards, I had to work this weekend while Tony went on his paid mini-vacation.  Butters' reaction pretty much captured my sentiments, as he longingly watched Tony leave the driveway.

Tony had a great weekend, which I experienced vicariously through his photos.  He was assigned a hotel room with a beautiful view of the city.

In the morning, he had a full breakfast brought to his room.

And, he had a chance to meet a ton of other physicians.

I would like to think my weekend was the more eventful of the two.  Butters and I also enjoyed the scenery outdoors (albeit in our own neighborhood).  I savored a homemade breakfast of banana bread, English muffins, and eggs (pretty close to Tony's 3-course breakfast).  And, I also chatted with many physicians (while working in the hospital).  Clearly, Tony missed out on a lot!

I was so happy to hear that his poster presentation went off without a hitch... and he looked super handsome in his full service uniform.

He will find out later this week the results of the competition and if he will get to go to the national conference.  If he has that opportunity, I will be sure to not miss that one!  Either way, it has convinced us that we will need to fit in at least a few trips in the coming months, particularly before Baby Bean makes his/her big debut.

15 Weeks!!

It is hard to believe that I am already in my 2nd trimester!  It seemed like it would never come during those first few weeks, as I was memorizing the location of every bathroom to accommodate my 10-second bladder and trying to squelch my seemingly endless nausea.

It is true that 2nd Trimester is the "Honeymoon" period.  Like clockwork, my nausea shut off at 10 weeks and I have been feeling a growing amount of energy since then.  My appetite has healthily picked back up.  The food cravings and aversions are now under control.  I no longer feel like a chipmunk, having to munch all day long on granola and crackers.  Overall, the last 5 weeks have flown by and have made pregnancy pretty enjoyable.

Here are some of the notable moments from Weeks 10-15:

- The awkwardness of that in-between belly:  Starting around 10 weeks, I started to notice "the look" when going out in public... that questioning facial expression where you can tell people are thinking,  "Is she pregnant, or is that just a beer belly?"  Thankfully, it is becoming more obvious that there are, in fact, two of us here.

- My first time getting stuck in small places: Having been roughly the same size for several years, I have never really had to think much about gauging the amount of space my body actually needs to safely navigate my environment.  That is no longer the case.  In the parking garage, I usually park close to the concrete barriers... this is in an attempt to protect my car from the door-dings graciously bestowed by the large Texan trucks.  Last week, I discovered I need to start giving myself more room... my belly literally became wedged in the small space I had allotted for myself.   It is still starting to sink in that I am carrying the equivalent of an ever-inflating doughnut around my waist.

- The belly button: I really should have been expecting this one, but it ended up being the biggest surprise of these last 5 weeks... the mutation of my belly button.  I guess I wasn't expecting it so soon.  My "iny" is quite rapidly turning into an "outy."  I have never actually seen the inside of my belly button before, and it is still a tiny bit disturbing to me.

- My love affair with my body pillow: I seriously don't know how pregnant women survived before the invention of the body pillow.  It fits perfectly between my legs and under my belly.  If it wasn't for having to get up to pee multiple times per night, I would say my pillow is the answer to all of my pregnancy sleeping woes.

- Pregnancy paranoia: First trimester seemed to be dominated by finding ways to stop feeling pregnant... getting morning sickness under control, trying to muster up some energy to get out of bed in the morning, and wishing that I could just stop feeling so darned bloated.  Since these symptoms have subsided, I find myself wondering if something is wrong because I am NOT feeling so crumby anymore!  It is a bit embarrassing to admit, but the absence of symptoms bothered me so much that I went out and bought a fetal heart doppler!  Pregnancy is one of the few times in life where you find yourself worrying ALL the time, even if it is because you are feeling too well.

- Vegetable-sized: My friend Joanna (whom is also pregnant!!) put it well when she told me that you find yourself thinking of your baby in the sizes of fruits and vegetables.  This statement stuck with me and has made it easier to visualize the growing life inside of me.  The family seems to have jumped in on this one too.  A couple weeks ago, my father-in-law, Paul, posted this picture on Facebook...

...representing Baby Bean's 11th week as plum-sized. This week, my little one is now the size of an apple!  However, I think all this talk of produce is getting to me... I had a dream this past week that, instead of a human, I gave birth to a dancing peach.

Next week I have my 16th week appointment!  It will be the first appointment, since my initial intake visit, that Tony will also be attending!!  I am hopeful that my OB will sneak in a quick look at Baby Bean for me Tony with the bedside ultrasound.

Good Fortune

During a long night at work last week, I found this hidden away in a half-crushed fortune cookie.  It was buried under the mounds of Chinese food delivered to my on-call team at the hospital.  

I have never been the type of person that saves these little paper messages.  Maybe it is the poor English translations… or that most express broad and general statements that can’t truly pass as “fortunes.” But, this one struck a cord with me; it has been in my wallet ever since.

One of the greatest blessings in my life has been finding the special person to share it with; my other half.  Tony makes me laugh and amazes me with his intelligence and sincerity.  He is the type of man that, even after a long day of work, will still find time to surprise me with a homemade dinner.  Personal messages written in cards, that final kiss goodnight, calling me just to say "I love you"... these are the little things that define our relationship.  

He is the man that I want next to me when I am old and grey; I hope we can look back and say that “Love” was our greatest victory.

That tiny fortune fell out of my wallet today.  I had failed to look at the message on the other side; I found the word written for “Learn Chinese” just as fitting to my life.

As a physician, I realize how easy it is to become jaded, as I am rushing through the cafeteria trying to snag a bite to eat with a long list of patients left to see.  Or, when I have to stay late to meet with a patient’s family that couldn’t make it during the workday.  Little reminders like this help to keep me grounded.  I realize it makes me a better doctor, staying in touch with my human side.  The importance of love, the connection that binds spouses, families and friends, is as much a part of healing as our greatest medical interventions.

The (not so) Itsy Bitsy Spider Web

Apparently, not everyone got the memo that Halloween was 2 days ago.  This morning, I was greeted by a not-so-welcomed visitor in my backyard...

This tiny little spider had somehow managed to create a web extending the entire length of this pathway.

I guess it is true... everything is bigger in Texas... even the spider webs

Halloween, 2012

As kids, Halloween would be one of those holidays that my sisters and I would go all-out for.  The three of us would enjoy scouring the local Eckerd Drug Store starting in September, looking for the best additions to a growing collection of Halloween decorations.  The dining room would end up filled with our finds and creations on display... bat trees (which consisted of construction paper bats hanging from sticks collected in the yard), cotton spider webs, a figurine that danced to "The Monster Mash," and spooky light-up ghosts and goblins.  Mom would let us have free reign over that room, but the rest of the house was all hers... beautifully decorated with reminders of fall like Indian corn, colorful gourds, and autumn-scented candles.  Dad would carve the pumpkins, always with triangle facial features but would change up the mouth from one year to the next.  In the days leading up to the big day, we would play a cassette tape with spooky sounds over and over on the Boom Box... I am sure my parents were ready to throw it out by the end of the holiday!  I always loved Halloween.  And, it wasn't about the candy or the Trick-or-Treating... it was about the creativity and imagination that went into preparations shared with my family.

Tony and I have taken a piece of this tradition to heart.  Like other years together, we enjoyed looking for our special decorations for Halloween 2012.  Of course, we already had Mummy.

But, we also added Welcome Witch to our collection.

However, in terms of the costume department, I was pretty much at a loss this year.  I realized when I became an adult that Halloween for most ladies turns into a good excuse to wear fewer things than you normally can get away with.  I remember in college, one girl showed up to a frat party as "Poison Ivy..." literally just wearing high heels and a thong bikini with freshly-picked ivy woven between strings.  And, it seems even the most unsexy ideas imaginable can be adapted to fit with this general theme

However, in the past I never really had a problem finding some great costume options.  But, since this was my first Halloween spent pregnant, I sadly learned that maternity options are much more limited.  I honestly lost a little of the Halloween costume spirit in the process.  It seems there are really just 2 choices...

(1) Hide yourself in the equivalent of a bag, because that is all that will fit....

(courtesy of Ebay)

or... (2) Adapt the sexy costumes to just include a little more room for the belly

(courtesy of Ebay)

This year, I opted to skip my costume and instead focus my creative energy on another (but maybe not so willing) friend.  As we don't yet have a little two-legged child to dress up, Butters had to suffer through a holiday dedicated to his least favorite activity.... wearing costumes.  As seen from my post about socks...

and St. Patrick's Day...

... Butters really prefers to go naked

However, I was pretty impressed by how good of a sport he was about the process this time.  The first costume option ended up being a bit of a fail...

But he handled it like a champ!

And, I think there is a tiny possibility that he may have even enjoyed the final costume choice.

Butters made a super cute lion, and seemed to have no problem exploring the backyard fully clothed.

Butters was all ready to greet friendly Trick-or-Treaters at the door.  However, as a tradition all of our own, Tony and I have a pretty terrible track record when it comes to Halloween visitors.  The last few years have consisted of us buying lots of candy in expectation of it finally being the year that we are bombarded by hungry, candy-hunting children... just to find at the end of the night that we are left with enough treats to hold us over until Christmas.  Living in a busier neighborhood now, we were hopeful that this might be the year for Trick-or-Treaters!  Of course we were prepared for the alternative... and only bought candy that we wouldn't mind eating for the next three months.

To our disappointment, 2012 continued our Trick-or-Treating losing streak.  We again did not get a single visitor.  At least Butters looked super cute waiting on the couch!  Tony and I happily passed the time with a Halloween classic, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown..." and we ate chocolate without feeling guilty of depriving visitors of good choices.  

I am so thankful for the Halloween memories that I made growing up, as well as the new and old traditions that I have continued with my husband.  We look forward to when we soon will have a little one of our own to pass these on to.  And, we can't wait to discover the new traditions that we will form with our growing family!