Meet Sawyer!

Four months after the passing of our dear Butters, we welcomed a new member to the family.  Meet Sawyer!  While raising 2 teething babies has been a challenge over the last month, I cannot imagine my home without this little guy.  

Sawyer certainly has been living up to his name.  He is a (not so) wonderfully creative trouble maker, constantly finding innovative ways to surprise us. I don't think my underwear, socks, or shoes will ever be safe again. Tony and I have placed a set of doggie stairs up to our couch, and Sawyer loves sharing his "prizes" with us after galloping around the living room showing them off. Our previous cavalier, Butters, was never much of a retriever. However, Sawyer is quite the natural. We have been trying to curb his chewing habits with plenty of cow hooves, stuffed animals, and Himalayan chews... the Nylabones and bully sticks (our previous go-to chews) really didn't do much hold his attention. As our vet says, "He certainly is the most enthusiastic cavalier I have ever met." I am pretty sure that is code for... he is absolutely crazy. However, after seeing our Butters so sick, I can say it is a welcomed blessing to see such an energetic little guy. We have been enjoying plenty of walks, with Leon in the stroller and Sawyer trotting by his side.

We have been working on the training basics including sitting and staying, soft mouth, and appropriate manners around Leon... particularly NO JUMPING! It has been going slowly but surely.  After being used to a well-behaved and calm dog, it has been a bit of a culture shock.  We had some concerns with Sawyer teething on Leon when he first arrived; but, Sawyer has been learning quickly. We now can trust the two together, of course with supervision. I am sure in a few months we will be having the reverse problem: teaching Leon how to be gentle around little Sawyer. For now, we are enjoying just watching the two entertain one another.  

... and, during the fleeting moments that Sawyer has fully expended his puppy energy, I can't help but admire how absolutely adorable he is

Beginning Again

There is something to be said about loss.  When a loved one dies, you don’t simply lose that special friend… your entire world changes.  Routines no longer are the same.  It’s those early morning hours, the fleeting moments that used to be occupied by daily walks and excitement for breakfast, that you feel that twinge of emptiness.  Places that once brought comfort can become spaces of heartache.  You are not simply robbed of that one life… the hopes and dreams for what could have been are taken as well. 

When Butters passed, he took a little bit of this blog with him.  It was our special time together, as I would chronicle my experiences… our experiences… while we sat together on the couch.  He would rest his little head on my lap, and the words would easily flow from fingertip to page.  It has not been so easy since he left me.  In fact, it has been much harder than I could have anticipated.  I never expected for my heart to be so deeply touched by one little dog whom was taken so young.  Returning to this blog has reminded me that he is no longer here.  I have returned many times to write, simply to find the words missing. 

However, one of the beautiful things about life is as one story ends, another begins.  The birth of my son, Leon, has brought many new adventures.  I find myself missing this place, the capsule for my memories.  It is a space where I can capture and share my experiences before they escape me.  I want to explore the multitude of feelings brought on by motherhood: the love and joy that exponentially expands as my son grows… the transformation of nights out on the town into bath time bubbles, talks about poop colors, and kissing tiny fingers and toes… the challenging moments as I try to balance my roles as a wife, mother, and career woman.

I want to begin again.  I want this space to again stand as a source of inspiration, pushing me to take time to reflect on life’s special moments.

So, here is to new beginnings.  Let me again share with you the snapshots of my life.

In Loving Memory of our Special Butters

It is with an incredibly heavy heart that I write this posting.  On April 20^th, our beloved Butters lost his battle with Masticatory Muscle Myositis.  At the tender age of 1 year and 10 months, he went to the Rainbow Bridge.  He waited just long enough to meet his buddy, Leon, our first-born son.  Even with his failing health, he was just as much the loving fur-brother we expected him to be.  He maintained that special loving nature until the very end, as he passed away in our arms. 

However, it is his life, not his death, that we would like him to be remembered by.  In August of 2012, my husband finally gave in to my incessant requests to add a little cavalier to our family.  We had found a breeder through an extensive search, but had yet to pull the trigger and actively pursue adopting one of our own.  Tony reluctantly agreed to pursue the breeder, fully expecting that a puppy would not be available for some time.  However, to our surprise, one little puppy was available… the pick of the litter… a tiny Blenheim.  Despite Tony's trepidation, he could not help but watch over and over the little dog on the flip video sent by the breeder.  This little furball, playing “fetch” on the video, grabbed a tossed ball and defiantly ran the other way.  However, repeatedly he would look back at the camera with those heart-melting eyes, making sure his human friends would be following along with him.  There was something about those eyes that immediately melted our hearts.

Butters finally arrived in our home on December 15^th, 2012.  I remember the excitement and nervousness that we experienced while awaiting picking him up at the airport.  My husband and I showed up 15 minutes before his flight arrived.  At every sound of a barking dog, we wondered if that may be our Butters.  When the flight assistants finally rolled Butters into us, I couldn’t help but tear up when we saw him… there he was with that feathered tail, beautiful flowing ears, and those same loving eyes.  We couldn't help but fall in love with him.

Bringing him home, he became the center of our world.  His distinct and loving personality captured our hearts.  My husband, despite his initial reluctance, melted under that little dog’s spell. They became best of friends.  Butters loved me, but he and Tony shared an even greater closeness.  Wherever he went, Butters was sure to follow. 

Butters’ antics in large part inspired me to start this blog in February 2012.  I wanted to share with others the moments that made this little dog so special.  Through my posts, I chronicled our wonderful life with Butters.  Stories included his unfortunate experience with doggie socks, encounters with the neighborhood bunny, visits with family and friends, holiday memories, creative efforts to acquire extra snacks, and bedtime routines.  Most of all, the blog captured his gentle, loving nature… a treasure he shared with all whom he met.

I remember my husband and I remarking, long before he became sick, how we were so incredibly blessed to have this special little dog.  We never took him for granted.  Even with the heartache that came at the end… complex medication schedules, frequent vet visits, watching his health fail… we have no regrets making this little dog a part of our lives.  In his short stay, Butters gave a lifetime’s worth of happiness to Tony and I.  He prepared us to become parents, giving us confidence to care for another living being.  He strengthened and deepened the love that we share for each other.  Butters reminded us that life is about so much more than work and monetary possessions.

Right now, words cannot describe the incredible void left in our lives with his passing.  We are happy that he is no longer suffering, but everywhere we look in our home reminds us that he is gone.  Tony especially is taking the blow very hard.  In time, we plan to bring home another cavalier… not to replace Butters, but to honor his memory.  We want our son to know the kind of love that we experienced with Butters. 

I would like to thank the readers of my blog for following along with Butters' adventures and for your special comments and messages.  For the month of May, Butters is the featured dog in the 2013 Cavalier Matters Calendar... he was the international winner of "Handsomest Cavalier."  Tony and I plan to celebrate his beauty... inside and out... as we look on at his picture over this coming month.

To my dearest Butters: Mommy and Daddy will miss you so much.  You will always be our first Little Man.  We hope that you look over us, and someday may we meet again.

Counting our Blessings

February has been a troubling time for Tony, Butters, and I.  Earlier this month, Tony and I noticed that Butters was having an increasingly difficult time eating and drinking.  Through a trip to the vet, we discovered he had severe deterioration of his jaw muscles, making it virtually impossible to open his mouth.  There were several possible causes, most of which held terrible prognoses.  After a thorough work-up, he was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease, Masticatory Muscle Myositis (MMM). 

Thankfully, MMM holds one of the better outlooks.  With steroid treatment, he will likely be able to live a pretty normal life.  Our vet believes we discovered the disease early enough, before the antibodies in his blood had destroyed all of the jaw muscle.  He has a good chance of at least partial recovery.  Over the last 2 weeks, he has been on high doses of prednisone.  He has been making steady improvement.  Now, he is ably to eat and drink comfortably.  His jaws have regained partial strength.  Each day, he is able to open his jaws a bit more.

This weekend, Tony and I took some time to count our blessings.  It is the simple things… cuddling up with him on the couch, watching him collect his toys in bed, his head-tilt to funny sounds on the TV, the kisses that he gives to visitors, exploring the backyard together… that we love the most about Butters.  He will always be our first little man… our first baby that convinced us we were ready to be parents.  Watching him recover, we are hopeful that our son will be able to know and love him the way that Tony and I do.  We now have hope that he will be here for many years to come.  For that, we know we have a lot to be thankful for.

Weenie Roast

This past Saturday, Tony and I celebrated Baby Bean's (rapidly) approaching arrival with our San Antonio friends.  

We are very thankful to Mamie and Jon for throwing us a great baby shower!

In honor of our baby boy, the day was appropriately themed a “Weenie Roast.”  The meal included Italian sausages fresh off the grill…

…and pigs-in-a-blank appetizers.

The beautiful weather, tasty food, and great company all made the day very special.

Thank you so much to all of our friends who joined us in this day to welcome Baby Bean!  

Couple's Christmas

One of the difficult aspects about working in the medical field: people still get sick on the holidays.  2012 certainly has been a reminder of that.  My family has been experiencing this first hand, as my Granddad has been in and out of the hospital over the last month.  And, Tony and I knew when we graduated medical school in May that holiday time off no longer would be a guarantee.

This year, I was blessed with a glorious 4-day weekend over Christmas.  But, my other half was not so lucky... he drew the short straw and ended up having to work in the Cardiac ICU this December.  It is quite clear that heart attacks take no heed in holiday time off, as Tony ended up having to work both the Christmas Eve and Christmas shifts.

This meant no trip to NY for Christmas... we would not be enjoying "Drama Derry Doo" (aka potent champagne punch) at my family's house... 

...nor tasty home-cooked meals with Tony's family.  

We honestly were feeling a bit bummed heading into the Christmas season.  Given it is the holiday dedicated to celebrating Jesus' birth, friends and family play a pretty central role in the celebrations... after all, it wasn't just Mary and Joseph hanging out at the manger with Jesus.  Nevertheless, Tony and I were determined to make the most of this special holiday.  

In the weeks leading up to the big day, Tony and I enjoyed playing Santa by creating gift boxes to send home to family.  We had fun finding neat presents to send home.  We filled pretty boxes with Texas-style treats and festive decorations for family to enjoy.  

In the days leading up to Christmas, we planned our first (and likely last for a while) Couple's Christmas!  Given my time off, I took the head role in planning our special time together.  Butters happily kept me company during the preparations, prancing around the house in his little Santa hat.

For our Christmas Eve and Day, we enjoyed special meals filled with our favorite holiday foods... 

...prime rib, honey baked ham, homemade mashed potatoes, peppermint bark, and Christmas cookies. 

I tried some new recipes too, preparing homemade apple sauce, baked brie, and lemon vinaigrette salad topped with candied almonds and goat cheese.  

Butters (as usual) looked on longingly at the spread... and was pleased as punch to have a taste of prime rib with his dinner.  

Together, we listened to Christmas music and opened presents.  We teared up with the special reminders from home as we opened special gifts from family... especially those designed with Baby Bean in mind.  Tony and I felt like we were dating again, as we shared surprise gifts with one another.  Tony put one of my gifts in a decoy box... he certainly got me... I found my present tucked inside a Dr. Pepper fridge-pack box.

I finished up Christmas night with a special surprise for Tony.  This year, we joined many others in enjoying the Elf on the Shelf tradition.  We were a little late to the game, finding out about this cute idea just a week before Christmas.  For Tony's final gift, I created a scavenger hunt.  

Tony had to find numbered pieces of paper, 1-25, hidden in different places throughout the house... 

...using hints provided through photos of our elf, Marty.  

I was pretty proud of myself... it took Tony more than a half-an-hour to finish the game!

Overall, it turned out to be a pretty special Christmas.  It was difficult spending our first year away from home and family.  But, throughout our celebrations we were reminded over and over of our greatest blessing... each other.